TL;DR: By a review from a psychiatrist, this guided journal is a good journal for you who struggles with existential crisis.
One of the hardest interview questions that I had to answer is “how do you see yourself (in the past, now, or future)?“.
Well, to be honest, most of the time, I’m
I joined a mindfulness classes once, in those classes I learned to be more mindful in everything that we’re doing. There was also meditation and yoga sessions. I dreaded those. When they ask me to stop thinking and focus on myself, I went crazy. Such an opposite effect, huh?
For me, it’s scary to reflect on myself. I don’t know why, yet. Most probably because I think I’m confusing. My emotions keep changing, my thoughts about something is changing, I’m so easily swayed by other people, I’m obsessed with one thing today and hate it tomorrow.
I don’t think I have something that I genuinely like because of myself, mostly it’s inherited from someone else, or I just don’t want to feel left behind. Usually some people close to me will like something, I’ll choose to like the same thing, or similar thing, and then it’s stuck forever. People will think that I like it, but nah, not really.
This thought is triggered by this tweet (or post, whatever).
I had bought this book some months ago because I was interested with the concept. I thought, “well, I’m old enough to understand myself and figure my life out”.
But, no no no. Life is never easy, my friend.
The journal started super light with something like “if I can describe myself in 3 words it would be”. But hell, I lost count how many times I erase and rewrite the answer! Even now, I don’t know whether the answer is really an honest answer from myself, or an if-someday-someone-else-found-this-book-they’ll-think-I’m-awesome kind of answer.
And then it goes on to “if I can only eat one meal for the rest of my life, it would be”. I went mental. I don’t know what I like! “Indomie goreng” will be an easy answer, because that’s what I always have when I have nothing, but, do I want to eat it for the rest of my life? Should I write steak? I like steak. But, do I really like it, or is it because my kid like it? The journal doesn’t stop stop there, “because this meal is” …
I wrote “if I can only eat one meal for the rest of my life, it would be Indomie goreng, because this meal is easy.”
For the rest of the page the journal asks me to wrote about my favorite karaoke song, color, body part, and quotes.
It was the first page.
Just like every lesson that I had taken, it usually is easy in the first week, then it suddenly turn into a nightmare in the second week. This journal is no different.
“Getting to Know Your Values” is the next chapter title.
“When did you feel the happiest in your life? What were you doing? What contributed to your happiness?”
I closed the book and never opened it again. Until now. To write this rant.
(Yes, this post stops here. Don’t expect any conclusion or closure from my post, please.)